Dear Nenen, 

I really hope you can help me with this delicate matter.

I grew up in a Christian home and was a virgin when I got married. I love my husband; I want to make that clear. However, my husband’s approach to having sex is to come and ask when he’s in the mood, like “Can I have some sex, please?”

This turns me off every time he does it and when we do have sex, most times I don’t have an orgasm because he only lasts about seven minutes. How do I tell my husband I’m unsatisfied with our sex life without crushing his self-esteem?

Regards

Unsatisfied Wife

Dear Unsatisfied Wife,

This sounds like you both need to have a very serious conversation.

I would like to suggest to you that you let him know that you would like to speak to him about your sex life. However, before you do, please think of the things that you would like to say to him.

Firstly, create a short list of the things that you appreciate most about him. In so doing, you will cushion the effect that what you will say next is likely to have on him. If you are going to be critical, and you are, even if it is constructive, it is best to start off with praise.

Secondly, do not come off as accusing. Let him know that you are willing to try new things with him, learn with him and grow with him in this regard. Let him know that this is a team effort and that you are willing to go the distance with him.

Furthermore, do not take for granted that he knows what you like. Tell him of your desires and ask him what he would like as well. Then, come to an agreement that both of you will be diligent in your attempt at satisfying each other.

I wish you the very best in your attempt at rectifying this issue.

Sincerely,

Your Nenen